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Fear, Change, and Motorcycles

Fear, Change, and Motorcycles

February 10, 2015

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Oh these days of February, they have been so strange. Some days we see near 70 degree weather, while others 6″ of snow will quickly fall. It is an odd balance of rushing outside to soak up as much Vitamin D as possible, while alternatively hibernating inside. There has been so much going on through these days; abundant play, new projects, and a new found respect for breakfast preparation. I was never one to fear the mornings, until ours dramatically changed. After my husband’s health issues this summer, my oldest decided he wanted to head to school. I think that it was a combination of fear of me not being able to give him what we needed, as well as a simple desire to spread his wings away from home. There was so much going on in the moment, I never really stopped to think about the implications. That is strange, isn’t it? Homeschooling had been such a predominant part of our lives, and then in a blink I just turned around and it was gone. I quickly signed him up, just days before the year began, at a school I heard great things about. Then, while he was far at the bottom of the list, he managed to snag a spot on the second day of school. Elwood chose to stay at home, and of course the younger babes are still here with me as well. There is a missing piece that is so very strange to be without, but at the same time Jacob has jumped in with both feet, and is loving this new experience.Β He joined the choir, went out for the school play, took on a leadership role, and made some friends that I think will be with him for a long time to come. There are good sides, and ones that I would rather he not experience, but in reality that is the story of life. I promised myself when I first gave birth to him that I would parent each of my children based on their needs, not my own, not my preconceptions of what should be, but on them. So long as they were safe, in an environment that could foster positive change, and a place where they could be happy, the freedom of choice was theirs. There are moments when I want him to tell me that he wants to come back, and they are getting less and less. When I look at him, and I see that strong, confident, social smile, I know that he found the place that he needs to be.

His decision bears little weight on what the others will choose. Each of them is so different, and with each passing year I change as well. My ability to meet them where they are is becoming greater, and I hope that we can always find common ground on what works for them as individuals. I certainly enjoy watching each of us take on new challenges, be it singing with 25 other students, or diving into fair isle knitting. Speaking of which, how come no one told me how awesome fair isle is? I can not put it down, and I find myself staring late into the night at Pinterest board after Pinterest board on the subject. I have been knitting for many years, and fair isle always freaked me out. I have no idea why it took me so long to take the plunge, but look out, because there is a lot of fair isle knitting coming off these needles.

That is the joy of life, right? we get past our fears, and find that we love something that we thought we would never take interest in. It is a joy I uncover often, and something I hope that each of my kids can embrace.

Of course, Emma Jeanne seems poised to take an interest in riding on the back of boy’s motorcycles, as we witness each day as Landon takes her for a spin on his bee bike, and I can assure you that all the growth and change in the world will never get me over that fear.

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Dawn February 10, 2015 at 9:47 am

These pictures are lovely, as are your words. Change is hard. It feels so good to get past the fear part of it, that sometimes accompanies change. I like the way you explained your philosophy of parenting, the way you meet each child’s unique needs. I wish you all the best.

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Heather February 12, 2015 at 12:16 pm

Thank you Dawn. It feels good to get past fear. It is certainly something that I have to work on every single day, since something new always feels like it comes up :).

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Kim February 10, 2015 at 1:28 pm

Beautiful words, and photos. Sounds like the transition to school went very well, and it was nice to read about it. It is difficult to take us, and our needs, out of the equation when we are parenting at times, but I find when I can things seem to move along so much better.

Can’t wait to see your knitting πŸ™‚

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Heather February 12, 2015 at 12:16 pm

The transition did go well, and I hope that continues. He certainly has embraced this change.

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Tracey February 10, 2015 at 7:16 pm

I know for me letting my children go and spread their wings is one of the highest and the hardest things I have ever done as a Mama; I just want to keep them home with me..always πŸ˜‰ It’s nice to hear that your babe is doing so well in school and flying!
Your knitting is beautiful and you make me want to learn how to knit fair isle.
PS- your Emma Jeanne is just too cute for words!

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Heather February 12, 2015 at 12:17 pm

Fair Isle is just so much fun! You would love it.

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Andrea February 11, 2015 at 7:34 am

Wow, big changes. Sounds like you’re handling them with grace (and with much good food…oh my kids would be in heaven if they had a mom like you instead of one who made–ahem–let them pour their own cereal or make their own toast before school!). I’m so glad school is working out for your oldest. I’ve found that on the balance, school has been such a positive experience for my kids (even the ones who complain about it). I think it’s wonderful for them to expand their circle of caring adults, and to have some autonomy from their parents. I hope that it continues to go well for Jacob and for you!

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Heather February 12, 2015 at 12:17 pm

I never thought of is as the expansion of caring adults. I love that sentiment, and I am going to hold on to that one. Thank you!

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Victoria February 11, 2015 at 8:39 am

Love all those breakfast muffins! Embracing change is always challenging, but it seems like you are doing more than fine πŸ™‚ All the best to you and your family!

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Heather February 12, 2015 at 12:18 pm

Thank you :). I am holding on to the idea that this will be a great transition for all of us.

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Imene February 11, 2015 at 3:06 pm

I admire your flexibility and your willingness to follow his choices. Whatever he chooses I am sure you will find a balance

Lovely pictures!

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Heather February 12, 2015 at 12:18 pm

Thanks Imene. It is so nice to hear from you.

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phyllis Spedden February 20, 2015 at 8:49 pm

Beautiful photos!!!!!

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Amanda February 24, 2015 at 8:38 am

Hi Heather. I just wanted to say thanks for this and all other beautiful posts. I found your blog soon after I became a mom 6 years ago. There is always something in what you have to say that deeply resonates with me and teaches me something new. I totally understand the need for space from sharing your thoughts publicly, but I do hope you keep coming back to this space. I am always so grateful when you do.

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