The first signs of Autumn have arrived. The golden colors are descending, the mornings have a chill to the air, and the evenings release the heat earlier and earlier. This is always a welcome time of year for many, as the relentless temperatures give way to mild days spent fully out of doors.
I have always cherished this time of year for the feeling of celebration it brings. September has always been the gateway to the festival season, and I have looked forward to the return of our singing, circles, and cherished traditions.
One of those has always been the gathering of acorn tops for craft making with my boys. Each year we visit the same park in town, sing the same songs, eat the same apple cake, and come together to create crafts from nature.
This year, however, I noticed my older boys lack of enthusiasm for this adventure together. They dragged their fit just a touch when I suggested it, hesitated to take the basket to collect acorns, sang the songs under their breath, and although they tried to put on a happy face for their brother and I, their minds were elsewhere.
My almost 9 and 7 year old sons, it seems, have grown out of some of the traditions that helped shaped their early years. They would much prefer to play a rough and tumble game of tackle ball then sing songs about Squirrel Nutkin, and really, who can blame them? They are growing up, and no matter how much I want to hang on to that time, their early childhood is coming to an end.
Of course, that does not mean that everything that we have loved and done will suddenly come to an end, but I realize the importance of meeting my boys where they are, and changing our traditions and rhythms to meet their needs while still keeping that close bond that we all cherish.
Letting go is tough, both for them and for me, but it is that necessary first step to them becoming beautiful and independent members of this world. I am so very blessed to have two boys who still love to cuddle, still hold my hand in public, and still come to me when hurt or scared. I am also blessed that they are secure enough to go forth independently, knowing that there is a safety net if ever needed.
It may just be Landon and I sitting under the tree singing songs about the coming wind, and the rustle of the leaves beneath our feet, but those brothers are never far away. No matter how old they get, I know that they will always come back for a hug, and of course, a piece of apple cake.
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This brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful words Heather. I too am noticing a subtle change in my almost 8 year old…
I experienced this same feeling this summer when I realized my boys of similar ages were “done” with the library programs. Even my 6 year old said the magicians were for “little kids.” The library has been such a part of our lives here, but now we focus on enjoying the process of selecting books and audiobooks and I put my energy towards finding something each time that they’d never pick out for themselves, but they’ll love. I think the hard part is recognizing that my role and what defined me as a SAHM in those early years has to change too as they grow.
I agree that is the hard part for me as well. I had not thought about it in that way, but the role of mothering is shifting as they are getting older as well.
I love to read about the beautiful traditions you, Amanda Soule and so many other mothers have. There are some we’ve been able to adapt and add to our lives, but my 11, 9 and 7 year- olds often feel too old for so many of the cute things I read about in blog-land. The trick is doing just what you said — adapting and meeting them where they are. Apple cake is a tradition I think we can all get behind.
It is the simple things that they remember, isn’t it. I know that our apple cake will be something that they talk about and carry on when they get older. Those are the traditions that they can share at any time in their lives.
Yes, it is very interesting here with two older and two younger, and such a huge difference between them at the moment! I’m thankful for the small graces that push us through one challenge and find us better equipped for the next.
we’ve encountered the same thing. with five kids we span the age ranges. i have two that are growing out of some of the songs and such, one that wants to not like the songs but secretly loves them, another that thoroughly loves them and the last just a babe. we’ve talked about the importance of these activities from their younger days and how much they loved them so i think i’ve won them over and earned their participation a while longer as they help to teach the littles our silly little songs and traditions.
Seeing Jacob and Elwood share these moments with Landon is amazing, and I cherish the fact that they can want to do that with him. I think that the hard part is seeing that some of the magic has gone for them, but at least it carries on with the brother they love so much
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This is so true with my boys as well- 9 an d 6 1/2. But I have learned to cherish those moments of hugs, and hand holding so much more and pray they never outgrow those.
Oh my, I pray my boys never out grow those either. When Landon was born, we all whispered to him that we hoped he like kisses, because he was going to be smothered in them
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I have a similar struggle with the age gap between my eldest (13) and the girls (8 & 5) but I think keeping a tradition alive whether they are happy to participate or not is half the battle because I know deep down it will be one of their fondness memories – even if they don’t realise it.
Here’s to a beautiful Autumn and the traditions it brings.
Nina x
That is really true Nina, and perhaps that is where I need to focus, on the fact that these are family traditions, and not just for the little ones. Food for thought.
Love. My friend and I just started getting together so we could have waldorfy school time together. And then I remembered my eldest will be eight in a month. This is a great reminder. Meet them where they are. He can be fed, and the little ones can be fed and so can I. I can stay the soft place to land. It’s so hard to remember sometimes that we mothers really are the centers of the universe.
oh this post! I am almost in tears, and nodding my head heartily, as my 8 and 10 year olds are going in the same direction as your kids. They’d so much rather juggle the ball out back than read our favorite fall books together on the couch. I know they’ll eventually end up snuggled next to me, and humor themselves-and me- and we’ll all cherish the words of those books but not before they happily go to “training” (yes, it’s called training now {so serious!}, not to be confused with practice) for two hours.