I Wish I Had Known

March 6, 2012

I have been thinking lately on all the things I wish I had known 10 years ago. In my late 20′s there were so many things that I thought that I knew, I thought I had mastered, and so many aspects to life I thought would be different then how they turned out.

I sat down and journaled over the weekend about a few things I would tell myself a decade ago if I could.

 

As much as I hate to admit it, almost everything your mother ever said turned out to be true, including wearing clean underwear in case you are ever in an accident.

You will love your child so intensely that it will hurt, but you will still manage to screw him up at least once a day.

Having tons of friends seems wonderful, but it will be that close knit group of friends that you create that will help you through the toughest of moments. Choose them wisely.

You will feel like it is always easy to get into shape. It isn’t.

You actually do end up marrying your dad. Not really sure how this happens, especially when your dad tells you that you married the exact opposite of him, but some how it just ends up this way.

Being a strong and outspoken woman is so much more important than being liked by everyone. There will come a time when you have to speak up, when you have no choice, and you need to know how.

You will not be the girl in ten years that you are today. There is no possible way, and you wouldn’t want to be. The beauty of age is honestly the wisdom. You have little of it right now, but it will come. Once it does, so many of the things that you thought were important will seem trivial.

Marriage is the hardest thing that you will ever, ever do. If you marry the right person, you will want to leave at least once a week, but you will only get to the end of the driveway before you change your mind.

Find something that brings you peace; yoga, church, hiking, climbing. It has to be yours and it has to be real.

When you have kids, you will be surprised by the words that come out of your mouth. “Don’t pee on the dog”, “your brother is not a toy”, and “yes sir you do have to eat your vegetables” to name a few.

You will one day wake up and realize you are no longer in your 20′s, your life is tied down, you have not slept in 8 years, your bed is full of kids, and you can not remember the last time you showered. If you did it right, if you lived and loved for the right reasons, you won’t care one little bit.

{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }

Linda March 6, 2012 at 6:29 am

Dear Heather,
As I was reading this post I got goose bumps on my arms, your honesty and truthfulness is so wonderful and what you say here is true. Thank you so much for this empowering and beautiful post lovely friend.
Love
Linda

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Michelle March 6, 2012 at 6:44 am

Good one. I agree. I am in my forties and it is so true that wisdom comes with age. I can’t wait to see what I’ll know in my fifties.

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Kate March 6, 2012 at 6:51 am

Beautiful post. Great reminders for everyday living.

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Karen March 6, 2012 at 7:08 am

Beautifully said and written.
I like this idea a whole lot. I have three girls who are old enough to read something like this and appreciate it.
Have a great day.

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underveis March 6, 2012 at 7:12 am

I love this post! I should do the same kind of review. Getting old and wise…

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Mousy Brown March 6, 2012 at 7:47 am

Fantastic! (especially – don’t pee on the dog!) :D

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Kim Akari March 6, 2012 at 8:56 am

I’m in the middle of that last one, and I think you’re absolutely right. A quote comes to mind…
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid sideways, totally worn out, shouting, “Holy crap…What a ride!” I don’t know who said that originally, but it makes me smile when I’m feeling sorry for my weary self.

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Meryl March 6, 2012 at 9:31 am

It’s very “Velveteen Rabbit”–in becoming “real”, we lose a few buttons and patches of fur, but the trade off is so very worth it.

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Alexandra March 6, 2012 at 9:38 am

Heather – Agree with every single point, and this one especially resonates –>”Marriage is the hardest thing that you will ever, ever do. If you marry the right person, you will want to leave at least once a week, but you will only get to the end of the driveway before you change your mind.” I think if more people knew that wanting to leave or escape the difficulties that come with marriage is *completely normal*, and not a sign of all things permanently downhill, that we would have fewer splits overall. I also think that the point about finding something that gives you peace is so key, whatever it is–for me, it’s time with girlfriends (without our kids!) and for my husband, it’s solo trips that renew him. Thanks for this great post. -Alexandra

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sherene March 6, 2012 at 11:42 am

I love the marriage one. I tell my pregnancy yoga mamas not to be surprised if in the first year- they actually want to kill their husband. Do not do it! but know the feeling, is normal. This is a wonderful post.

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Adrie March 6, 2012 at 12:03 pm

LOL! This is so awesome, and absolutely true. Thank you!

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Erin March 6, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Oh, so true!

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Nicola March 6, 2012 at 1:10 pm

My husband and I were just talking this weekend about the fact that we must now be “old” because we agreed that youth is wasted on the young.

I relate to the intense love and daily screw up of our kids. I am sure our parents felt the same and we turned out okay, right?

And I have heard myself say “Because I said so” and “Why did you do that?” and realizing how ridiculous those statements are for my kids!

Hugs. You are right on, lady. Look how beautiful you three are in that photo. Pure joy.

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Amy March 6, 2012 at 1:34 pm

What a beautiful post. Thank you so much!

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Christi March 6, 2012 at 1:55 pm

I am 32 and in the middle of what you are reflecting on, thank you SO much for the perspective.

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Kelly March 6, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Wonderful post – resonates with me a great deal x

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beth lehman March 6, 2012 at 6:32 pm

oh my. so true.

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Stephinie March 7, 2012 at 8:37 am

Heather this is beautiful! I hope you don’t mind me sharing this in my space. I recently talked with a friend about our trip to NY to visit my in-laws. We haven’t seen anyone in seven years. They have not met my youngest. There are a lot of emotions wrapped up in the details…. but I realized I am so glad to be in my thirties for this trip. I don’t have anything to prove to them anymore. I love my husband and children fiercely and know that I am beautiful fallible human.
much love~~
s

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Maeghan March 7, 2012 at 9:54 am

Amen! So true, so true. I have found with each decade it is amazing. My 30′s were so different than my 20′s. My 40′s have been incredible and the pieces of the puzzle are coming together. And yes Patrick is my Dad in so many ways. :)
Hugs,
Maeghan

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Julia Watkins March 7, 2012 at 12:48 pm

I love these lists. Am sending the one about marriage to my husband right now. :)

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Jennifer B. / Brooklyn March 7, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Wow. That brought tears to my eyes, especially as it seems we’re pretty much the same age. Yes, I love my kid to distraction and still lie in bed at night and berate myself for the “shoulda saids” and the “shoulda not saids.” And I married my dad. I love this list. Thank you so much for taking the time to share.

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Jardinière d'Eveil March 7, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Thank you so much for sharing this ! It is imple, profund, wise and o true to me… I don’t know the word in english to say this but in frenc, we say ” résonnance” in my heart…

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tea March 8, 2012 at 12:04 pm

SO true… Well thought and well put into words!

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Penny March 8, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Thanks Heather for sharing :) I love your list! and it resonates with me :)

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Emmalina March 9, 2012 at 9:31 am

Love, love, love every word!

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a little crafty nest March 9, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Dear Heather…As always, your posts bring such peace to my heart. Between you and Ginny today, I’m feeling pretty pepped up:) So much of what you said is true true TRUE. And I love it all. Especially the part about marriage…I laughed out loud at that one…I wonder what the Mr. would say?! Much love to you, have a happy weekend!
xo Jules

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Mady March 10, 2012 at 5:25 pm

I have to say that for someone in her 30′s, you already have a great deal of wisdom, more than I had at your age. You really nailed it with your thoughts and observations. Now that I’m past 60 (how did that happen so quickly?!), I am truly content with the wise, wonderful (but far from perfect) woman I’ve become, which includes being the mother of amazing sons and the wife of the very best husband for me. As Maeghan refers to above, the pieces of the puzzle are now just about all together. You’re fabulous now — just image how you’ll be even greater in 25 years. Life is truly good!

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Sleeping Mom March 11, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Yup, I keep telling myself that I have a beautiful park right across the street that I could run on, and even though I have the time, I just don’t. Eeks!

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6512 and growing March 11, 2012 at 8:47 pm

sounds like you’re aging beautifully, Heather.

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Elizabeth March 12, 2012 at 9:41 am

As a mother in my late twenties, I felt like you were speaking right to my heart. Thank you for sharing.

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Carla March 15, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Such true words!! It is like you read what was in my heart!

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Rachael March 17, 2012 at 8:43 pm

I love how many people are saying “so true.” in my twenties I feel a bit lost about what I will think of my decisions in the future. I do have a real feeling that sleep has left for at least a decade or so. Thanks for thinking this through for us.

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Earth Mama 101 March 28, 2012 at 5:39 am

Oh Heather, these words are sooooooooooo true…one’s I have often found myself trying to convince myself are not, but they are, and their reality is mighty hard to swallow at times. I don’t think you could have put a more well rounded set of thoughts together that easily can apply to many of us out there. I’m sorry to hear about your computer, but otherwise I hope all is well for your and your family!

:)Lisa

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Julia March 28, 2012 at 10:38 am

Heather, it’s been a while since I have visited it my timing it seems was just right. You made me laugh out loud and misty eyes too…..you are right and funny too…all that Ronny. Thanks for sharing…..

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Julia March 28, 2012 at 10:38 am

Irony…..haha not ronny

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