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November 2011 - Shivaya Naturals

November 2011

A First Knit for Landon

November 30, 2011

Thank you to all of you who stopped in over the past week and said hello. It has felt so nice to come back to this space and reconnect.

In a perfect world, every child would have a first hand knit sweater (or in my kids case, apparently, a sweater vest).

There is something so precious about knitting a tiny sweater for a little one who just might grow out of it before it has a chance to get soiled.

Landon was long overdue on receiving such a sweater from his mama, so with the holidays coming up, and a chance to knit uninterrupted over Thanksgiving, I turned to my trusty favorite pattern, and knit him up his very own Pebble vest.

 

 

There are many reasons that I love the Pebble vest. It is an easy to modify pattern, it can be knit up in ways that work well for where my kids are, and since Colorado weather lends itself to lots of sunshine, even in the winter we rarely need a huge amount of bulk. Of course, my favorite aspect might be just how quick this pattern comes to life. Within a day, a little 9 month old squirmy wormy has a new vest.

Landon is a squirmer while dressing. For being such a quiet, happy baby, he will let you have it any way he can when you change his diaper and dress him. Therefore, there was no way that I could use the Pebble pattern as is with all it’s beautiful buttons. The idea of having to get even one of those buttoned while trying to keep Landon from crawling away was almost enough to just choose a different pattern, but I returned to the idea behind the other boy’s Pebbles, and simply knit it in the round with seamed shoulder. It came out perfectly, and is a cinch to get over his head quickly.

You can see the modifications I followed on my Ravelry page.

Now that I have one piece out of the way, I feel the joys again of knitting warm woolies for my babe. Of course, it is not helpful to return to your knitting projects that have been abandoned for months, only to discover that you have NO idea where in the world you are in the Baby Surprise Jacket, or boat neck sweater you were so diligently knitting up. If I have learned one thing from my knitting break, it is to write down exactly where you stop when you put your knitting needles to bed. I am not looking forward to the work that it will take to get back on track, but it will be worth it.

Tomorrow the winter edition of Rhythm of The Home will be live, and I hope that you will stop over and visit. The edition is packed full of winter goodness, and I hope that your family enjoys the projects, recipes, and fun that in holds.

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Finding Time

November 15, 2011

The saying is true, “time flies”. It feels like just yesterday that I was here last. It feels like just a moment has passed since I had Landon, since I was a mother of two, since life with my children began.

Time and I have been on a collision course these past eight years. I try desperately to slow it down, it just forges ahead, or keeps speeding up. I blink, and another milestone has been hit, another birthday has passed, another stage has been reached.

Since we were last together, Jacob has turned 8, Elwood has turned 6, and Landon is almost 9 months old. Crawling and cruising have been reached, another soccer season has come to a close, and the winter edition of Rhythm of The Home is almost upon us.

So why the absence? That is a tough question, mainly because the answer still surprises me. In late August of this year, two events took place that changed my mind about time drastically. The first was my Aunt Missy was diagnosed with lung cancer, a tumor the size of a baseball. The second my sister in law’s brain tumor returned. Two vibrant women in my life who seemed to have just been delivered the worst of news. Time was once again marching on in a way I did not like. Both survived their surgeries, and both are doing amazing. Still, a reminder that time is certainly not infinite.

So I decided that if I could not stop time, I would dance with it in the most natural way possible.

When I had Jacob, I tried to cram everything into the time that we had. We did everything, saw everything, not a moment was ever missed. Every craft was made, every holiday perfectly prepared, every garment hand knit. It felt like perfection, but something was missing.

With Elwood I raced even harder, making two of everything, sewing, knitting, baking, dreaming planning, crafting. It was beautiful. My friends awed at all that we could “accomplish”, I patted myself on the back for all that I could do for my children. Still, something was missing.

Five years passed, those two boys have grown and expanded and become amazing young children. I am proud of them, and I know that they value their childhood. But as Landon’s time on this earth approached, I knew something was still missing.

Then in late August, I figured it out. Please understand that this feeling that I had deep inside, it was mine. It is not being put into words to project onto others. It was just what I knew was right for me. I was missing the time to just be.

So I grabbed the time that Landon and I had, and I held on tight. There were no handmade items at the boy’s birthday, Landon has no hand knits to speak of, there is no special quilt, or amazing holiday spectacular to show. There is, however, 9 months of napping with my children, quiet walks in the woods, and an autumn that we cherished so quietly, but together. I have not missed a moment, have not crammed a million things into every nap. I have just been here, and allowed myself to get lost in the experience.

I would not necessarily change anything about the way that I raised my older boys, but I had something to prove to myself that has simply melted away over time. I never wanted to get lost in mommy hood when I was young. That might sound harsh but it is the honest truth. I needed to show everyone, but mainly myself, that I could stay relevant, even as the title of Mother was added. It is the world we live in, the stereotypes that we allow to happen, or just my simple insecurity that drove it. I am thankful that Jacob and Elwood feel as though I was always there for them, but it came at the expense of spending half of every night creating what I thought that they needed.

As Landon has shown me, all that we need is time together.

So I arrive back in this space, back in my craft room, back at my knitting needles with a sense of peace for time. I love to craft, I love to do, and I will write about all of those things with joy here, but I have savored time, and I am so wildly grateful for the ability to do so. I think that what I am most grateful for is that this is a space where I can just be me, can share the things that I love with others who enjoy them, and I am leaving my need to be anything more than I am at the door.

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