Just before I did my first yoga teacher training, I decided to participate in a vision quest. I had heard friends who had done them speak of the magic transformation that occurred being out on one’s own, with no one else in sight, and no one to speak to for three days.
At that time, I was not exactly what you would call a nature girl, but I took my wilderness awareness class, rented my gear, met my guide, and headed into the North Georgia mountains. There were seven of us, and our guide took each of us individually to a remote spot, where we would make camp and spend our time. The guide stayed nearby (and by nearby I mean within a 1/2 mile), just in case of an emergency, but beyond that, we were on our own.
I never saw anyone in those three days. I was alone, in my head, and in silence for 72 hours, and I thought that I could lose my mind. As hard as it was, I did come out of the experience a totally different person, both mentally and physically. I knew that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to, and I knew what I needed from my life (which is good, because lets face it, if you have to go to this extent to figure out who you are, you really should get something out of it).
While I don’t see myself ever repeating the experience, it did show me the value of true solitude. Whenever life gets a bit cloudy, or my direction is in question, I know that I need to lace up my boots, and just start walking. Some days it is around the block, others it is around a mountain, but it always does the trick.
Solitude is so often confused with alone time, and they really aren’t even close to the same thing. Alone time is when we get to wear our pajamas and watch TV with out the six year old barreling down the stairs. Alone time is taking a bath with out having our kids feet dangling in.
Solitude is you, your faith, and hopefully a good bag of trail mix.
Some people take silent retreats with their church or school, some spend days alone in a cabin in the woods, some visit an ashram or sacred temple, and some journey into remote places to wander uncommon ground.
While all of those seem really extreme, solitude is something that we always have with us. So long as we have a bit of time to leave our homes, or even lock our bedroom door, we have solitude. I truly believe that five minutes a day of genuine quiet can change everything. I also know that when I need to ask my husband for five hours of that same silence, I don’t hesitate. There is a lyric from Sarah McLachlan “The night is my companion, and solitude my guide”.
So, why did I decide to use solitude as something that we deserve? I think mainly because most of us do not give ourselves time to be with just ourselves. I love being a mother and a wife, a daughter and a friend, a writer and a…… But those are a lot of titles, and sometimes I just need to check-in and find my bliss.
I believe that I deserve to be able to journey with myself, by myself, and for myself, and that if I do, I will come back a better version of that self.
Our Etsy store will be opening at noon MST today, with 100% of the profits being donated to Doctors Without Borders. The store is going to be building up in the next few days, as we are trying to dye a ton, and learn more about how Etsy works. Thanks for your patience and support
{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
I am Quaker and our meetings for worship are silent except for when someone speaks as the spirit moves them. I find this silence so revealing.
Warm wishes. (Can't wait to see your store.)
There is so much truth here, Heather. It's so easy to get swept up in the current and forget to be still and quiet. Thank you for the reminder.
Heather…WOW. Three days. I can't imagine. What an amazing trial of your will. I am an outdoorsy type, but I am a scaredy cat when it comes to being alone in the wild. Seriously, shaking in a tent waiting for a bear to smell my Gorp would be the way that I spent my three days if I were to do that.
In all truth, this post brought back memories of our trip to Maine this past summer when I was so desperate for some solitude. I can't imagine not having this necessity in life. And even though it may be hard to come by sometimes it is one thing that I thrive off of. It is the one thing that recharges my battery and lets me come to center. My walks to the river by my house are some of my most happy times. The crunch of the leaves, the sound of the water, to rhythm of my breathing. It recharges me far more than a bowl of ice cream or a piece of chocolate.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for letting me feel like I am not selfish for this request in life.
PS did I mention how much I am loving this series?
I really like this series you're doing. I love my solitude time. I usually walk every day for an hour in the forest. There are time when I go to the Stuga and find total bliss in my alone time. This is such a validating post for many. It's ok to nurture one's self and to be alone with one's self. Thank you for sharing these precious moments.
I don't ever have silence these days. I need more time to quiet my brain. My girlies make so much noise for most of the day. And then the husband (or the television, or running errands, or). This should be more of a focus.
I love solitude – just being and quiet is my idea of a holiday though in a household of five those little peaceful moments are only really acheived when all are asleep.
Love the idea of a three day retreat though I would imagine after awhile I too would need some company.
Have a lovely, lovely day,
Nina xxx
oh, what a great post! and I cant imagine doing what you did on your vision quest! amazing! thanks for all of these reminders. I really love this series of posts as well! and cant wait to see what is in your store…
Thanks so much for reminding me what I am missing. I need to make this a priority, and I haven't. Really, for a whole lot of very good reasons, but that doesn't mean I don't deserve to have some time. I'm formulating a plan…
Looking forward to your launch!
I love this. And that last picture in yesterdays post is exactly how my husband found me after he came in from the garage last night…. a bubble bath and yoga….. and oh my does that ever relax a girl
All done in a dimly lit, quiet room with a pile of sleeping three year old on my pillow……
A powerful post. Solitude is something I doubt that many of us actually get much of. But oh, it does sound wonderful.
Great post. I did Outward Bound several years ago and we had a 24 hour alone in the woods experience. Sleeping bag, journal, box of matches, bag of trail mix, iodine tablets and that was it. I loved it and came out feeling so much stronger. I spent the entire time writing in my journal, except when it was dark and I slept. I can only imagine how much more of a trial and more of a dramatic outcome three days would be. Wow!
I absolutely agree, also, that we moms DO deserve a little solitude and should try to make sure we get at least a little bit somewhat regularly.
Love your week of posts! It is so easy to confuse solitude with alone time, and I need both!! As most do, I suppose.
I wish you all the best in the Etsy endeavor… I will stop by and see what is available. Thank you.
Heather, your words are so true. I was lucky enough to experience some periods of solitude this past weekend while on retreat and it is wonderful what a little bit of silence can do for my soul and my faith. Your 3 days of solitude sounds so amazing and difficult and life altering. Yes, thank you for this series.
as I sit here and read some blogs, my house is completely silent. And, is starting to bug me. Yet, I know I need quiet. Everyone needs quiet. Your 3 days in the woods sounds amazing.
solitude, and solitude in nature especially, are so important for me. i have to have that quiet time to recharge, and nothing lifts my spirits more than getting outside. even when i can't be fully alone, putting my baby on my back in the ergo carrier and getting outside for a walk is almost as good as the real thing. when i was in my 20s, i very much wanted to go on a vision quest, but i never did–i would love to hear more about yours and how you think it guided you to who you are today. thanks for this series of posts!
Yup. I totally agree. It's in those quiet moments that we can really process ourselves and what our journey is that we came here for. Those quiet moments are hard to come by with four kids, and as soon as I'm alone, my mind is buzzing.
Lisa
Solitude is very important….we're so busy and so connected. It's good to take some time and be alone. thanks for the reminder.
I've always wanted to do a solitude retreat. Thank you for sharing your experience!
..in the rush of each day there is a sense that something is missing. thank you for speaking honestly to that point, and more importantly for validating that need.
so often we, as women feel that to crave or desire this kind of time, is for lack of a better word, selfish or not accepting of the realities and demands of our home and family lives.
A wonderful reminder to seek that solitude. I rise early in the morns for that. Sometimes I do take off overnight, my husband and I both like being alone and respect that need in each other.
Love this post so much, Heather. I find those very important solitude moments throughout my day, when I take a meditative walk, or when I'm working in my cottage garden, but mostly, in the middle of the night when I am very much alone. (spouse works midnight shift). I awaken and lie in the dark and just feel the stillness within. I love that. I also had a lovely one week solitude trip to Nantucket Island about 7 years ago. I stayed alone in a little cottage by the sea and it was THE most beautifully spiritual time in my life. Would love to do that again!!!
You've done a lot of groundwork to be where you are today…and it truly shows. Thank you for this series!
I am loving this series of posts. I agree so fully with each one. I didn't truly appreciate the bliss of moments alone until after I had a child!
You have me in tears today. I felt like you were speaking directly to me. Thank you my friend!
lovely distinction between solitude and alone time. i have been feeling this way and have only recently begun meditating, just as a way of checking out and finding some mental space all my own.
nicola
http://whichname.blogspot.com
this is so beautiful, Heather. Such a great and big, yet quiet, truth. Thank you. +Chelsea
Hi Heather, I'm loving your posts about yoga and this one too. They make for such interesting reading.
You are completely right that solitude and alone time are two very different things. I am such a fan of solitude–such a lost gem these days. Thanks for this series–it is making my week!
You are so right, it is amazing how we can be re-energised by very little time alone. I know when I am getting overloaded as I start to go 'in my head' trying to push everyone away. Just looking at the pictures of the woods makes me long for a good walk in the fresh air. Tonight we are taking our son skating outside, perhaps that will keep the longing at bay for a little while. There is something about being in nature that is both terrifying and uplifting isn't there? By the way your vision quest sounds super cool!
Wow. This series is just blowing me away. I used to do solo camping and solo hikes and I really miss the part of myself that I could access then. Sometimes I get caught in the cycle of feeling like I can't get any solitude until I do ___(fill in the blank over and over and over)____. But you are so wise in saying that we do deserve it and we deserve it now. I still feel so distant from that space, so it will take awhile for me to find that quiet place, but thank you thank you, for reminding me that it is there.
It's amazing how you always seem to write about exactly what I've been thinking about or need at the moment. I am really loving this series, we deserve this. Have you thought about writing a book?
Wow–I was reminded about the movie about the kid who goes to Alaska on his own–I found his solitude absolutely terrifying. i can't imagine what your experience must have been like. It sounds both extremely interesting and extremely frightening…
I have recently often moments of solitude.
But I feel good again after a moment for myself …. alone!
Thank you for your beautiful words!
The Peace of Wild Things
When despair for the world grows in me and I wake
in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life
and my childrens lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his
beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax
their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the
presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with
their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world,
and am free.
Wendell Berry
I pity those who fear solitude. Thanks for your insights.
I was just telling my husband last night that what I want most in the world right now for myself is permission (not from him, but from me) to go away for a night or two. To know that the world won't collapse in on our home while I'm gone. To enjoy a nights stay at a hotel, swim in their pool, soak in their hot tub. Lounge in their bed with clean sheets that I didn't have to wash for an entire evening all by myself and not need to way up the next morning until check out time. Such a timely post this is.
I'm loving all your thoughts and reminders this week. The more I read about you, the more I want to know. Your vision quest experience is very interesting.
"Sometimes I just need to check in and find my bliss…" Oh lady, you are singing my song today! I'm a stress-bucket this week! I think I need to employ all of your "Deserve" posts stat!
I have really enjoyed your blog since the moment I found it, but lately I feel like you are really speaking to my heart. You are truly an inspiration to me, and I thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing your self, your family and your experiences.
I admire that you took a Vision Quest. My best friend did one for a week (although she didn't name it), and I want to take one so badly. I have tried – but the fear settles in so deeply that I run back home faster than I came. I hope you keep getting the solitude you need!
Please keep sharing with us.