December 2008

One Perfect Moment

December 30, 2008

Do you ever have one of those moments that you wish you could bottle up and save forever? I think that I had one of those yesterday. After a long day of working on the TNNA yarn project, I went to pick-up my children from my parents house down the street. My youngest son was having a ball, and my oldest was finding his way towards a serious mid-evening meltdown. My husband was out with friends for the night, so I was about to face what was looking to be a long, drawn out evening with the babes. Just as we were leaving, my youngest asked if he could stay with his Grammie. I have to admit that I was a little crushed. I am so glad that my kids love their Grammie and Papa as much as they do, and that Grammie and Papa love them as much in return. Having said that, this is my baby. Was he really OK to stay with out me through the entire night? Wouldn’t he miss me anywhere near as I would miss him?

I decided not to act like the needy mother I was feeling like and I gathered up my oldest son and we headed home. Jake is a very sensitive child, and he was devastated that he would not have “his” Elwood with him through the night. On the way back to our house, something shifted and Jacob got a smile on his face and said, quite boldly, “Mama, we can have as much fun together as they are going to have”. Some of the sadness I was feeling immediately disappeared and I turned the car around and headed to the store to get what we needed to make a special meal.

Jacob and I fixed a great dinner together, and then did something we have never done before; we headed downstairs to watch a movie and eat our dinner together. When our movie was done we came back up and played at least 8 games of Candyland and put three puzzles together. It was nearing bed time, and I suggested that we head in and read some books before we turned the lights out. Jacob would hear nothing of it. “This is the most special night ever mom, and I want to keep going”. Something in the way that he said that made me realize that Jacob was feeling a bit disconnected from me lately. He has mentioned, more than a few times recently, that I work all the time, and that I do not have time for them anymore. That is so hard to hear, and I have been trying to balance my time better, but the store has taken a great deal of my energy and focus away as of late.

I decided to let us keep going until the kid just passed out. Jake disappeared into his art closet, and he came out with a bundle of random art supplies and suggested that we make gifts for each other. We each sat in separate corners of the kitchen, creating a special surprise for the other, and wrapping it up tightly. To be honest, I had no idea that my 5 year old son could A) wrap a gift as well as he can, and B) tie a knot like he does (does this make me a bad mother that I have not even had the time to pay attention to these types of things lately?

After an hour of creating, we opened our surprises. Jacob had made me a bracelet with beads and a ribbon and I had made him a new crown for his dress-up time. We had also both decorated the first letter of each other’s name (his being a J, and mine being an M for mama, which was actually an upside down E). He promptly told me that the ribbon on my bracelet was there to make sure that our hearts were always connected to one another. OK, stop right there. I am now officially crying all over the place, feeling like an absent mother with a thriving yarn store, and a sad little boy. We sat there, for a long time, saying nothing, but simply soaking in the silence. For five years old, he is really perceptive. Finally, a little before 11, I picked him up and we headed in to fall asleep (and listen to the ridiculously howling wind outside).

As we approach the New Year, I realize that it is important for me to find a balance that allows me to run my business without giving up the way I want to live my life with my family. I know that there is a way to do both, and I know that I just need to set some limits and goals for myself, and simply stick to them. I do not want to miss a moment of their young lives, I know that it will fly by in an instant. I also want to continue to be a success with Shivaya, and I want to watch that grow and flourish. Like I said, I know that there has to be a way to do both.

For now, I am just simply grateful for a moment as special as the one I experienced last night. I thought it would be so sad to not have my youngest with me, but instead, it turned out to be an opening for my oldest and I. It is something that I will never forget.
Happy Almost New Year


Happy Christmas

December 27, 2008

Every year, as we get right up to the day before Christmas, I always feel like I will not get everything done that I want. And like magic, everything always comes together. We spend Christmas Eve at my parent’s home, and this year, my mother really outdid herself. Her meal was just sooooo good, and enjoying the decorations, the family and the joy was a lot fun. My mom has had a tradition that dates back to me being a baby, where on Christmas Eve, just before bed, she gives us a pair of Christmas pajamas. Since I got married and had children, the tradition has continued with them. This year, we were all decked out in spearmint and Christmas trees! It is such a fun way to start the holiday.

Our boys are allowed to ask Santa for just one gift, and this year Elwood chose a trumpet, and Jacob, a space ship. Coming out in the morning, they were so excited to see that Santa had not forgotten them! When I tell you that Elwood did not let go of that trumpet all day, I am not exaggerating. It is just so nice to see them so in love with something, and Elwood had stayed focused on wanting that trumpet for about the past three months, ever since we took the boys to see their first children’s symphony.

We also surprised both boys (especially Jacob with his space ship) that we would be taking them to Florida in February for a 2 1/2 week vacation. I think that Jacob nearly passed out when we told him that we would be taking him to see the launch of the Space Shuttle Discovery on February 12th. The idea of a real space ship, that is really going to launch, is about too much for him. We are also going to hit Disney World for the first time. We are only going to be there for two days, but I think that is all that I can handle for now. We are lucky enough to be staying with friends while in Orlando, and it will be so good to just relax and reconnect. We will then travel to see my parents in Fort Myers Beach for 2 weeks of rest. I can not believe that my husband was able to take the time off (the boys and I will actually be there a week longer than he can stay), and this will be our first vacation as a whole family in 6 years. To say that we are excited is an understatement.

The boys were really blessed to be showered with love from so many family and friends, and I was so grateful that our wishes were honored and that the kids did not receive plastic, loud toys. They now have enough puzzles, games, audio books, workbooks and reading books to last the entire Winter. Jacob was really excited to receive a chess set from mom and dad, and he and Joel played for a quite a while on Christmas night. Jacob has a good friend who is a few years older, and is a great chess player. I was surprised that the chess set went over as big as it did, but I think that Jake is just excited to learn the game so that he and Rune can play it together.

As for me, it seemed like more fun than I remember just watching the kids get into all the magic of this day. My husband surprised me with a bracelet from an amazing designer in Blackrock, Colorado who has a great Etsy shop that you should check out. Joel also gave me a rocking chair that I am so in love with. I have no idea why, but this gift was just really meaningful for me. I have spent two days knitting and reading in my chair, and my boys can not resist crawling up and rocking with me. How neat is it to be able to hold them like the babies I remember and just sing and snuggle. I suppose I love it as much as I do because it reminds me, even if in a small way, of how much I love being a mother. My mom and dad also blessed with a few months of yoga, and ahhhhhhh, I am so excited.

On Christmas Night we were lucky enough to be able to celebrate with very dear friends. Jeanette and her son Gabriel spent their second Christmas with us. Jeanette’s husband is a firefighter in Denver, and he worked on Christmas eve this year, and it really makes our Christmas so special that they join us.

I did knit two big gifts, and I will post those another day (I still need to photograph them). I, of course, am determined to do better next year with getting my knitting done on time, but for now, I am just glad that I was able to knock out a few special gifts.

I hope that all of you had a wonderful day, and are enjoying some well deserved rest and relaxation with your families.

Happy Holidays